Tips to Date Someone with Autism: Challenges and Benefits

Did you ever wonder how is it dating someone on the autism spectrum? Maybe there is a cute boy who always makes you laugh, or a beautiful girl you just met on a

who made your heart skip a beat, but you are unsure how to properly pursue them without doing something wrong. You want to show them your love, but at the same time, you are afraid to hurt them.

To make this relationship work, the first thing you need to do is to learn more about ASD, and we are here to help with that. In this guide, we’ll explore:

• What is autism

• Dating someone with autism

• 8 things you need to know when dating an autistic person

• Pros and cons of dating a person with autism

• Tips for dating someone with autism

So, let’s begin.

What is Autism?

Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is a developmental disability caused by differences in the brain. People with ASD may behave, communicate, interact, and learn in ways that are different from most other people. Per CDC, ASD begins before the age of 3 years and can last throughout a person's life, although symptoms may improve over time.

It's very important to recognize that autism is a spectrum, which means that individuals can experience a wide range of symptoms and severity.

Common Misconceptions about Autism:

• People with autism are cold and lack empathetic feelings.

• Autism only affects children.

• Individuals with autism do not feel love

• People with autism can’t stand to be touched

• All autistic individuals have exceptional talents or savant abilities.

Is It Hard Dating an Autistic Person?

Dating someone on the spectrum can be challenging. These challenges include difficulties with communication, sensory sensitivities, and social interactions. However, with patience, one can approach these problems methodically, consider different perspectives, and avoid rushed decisions.

On the other hand, open communication ensures that all parties involved are on the same page, which in turn can help solve all misunderstandings.

Challenges that can occur:

• Difficulty with social cues and nonverbal communication.

• Sensory sensitivities that lead to discomfort in certain environments.

• Differences in emotional expression and understanding.

• People with autism often have routines, which require their partners to be flexible and understanding

8 Things You Need to Know When Dating Individuals on the Spectrum

Dating someone on the autism spectrum can be rewarding, but it requires both understanding and patience. Familiarizing yourself with your partner’s unique characteristics and needs can help you build a stronger, more loving connection. Here are 8 essential things to know to build a healthy and supportive relationship.

They are not Emotionless:

While commonly believed, this isn’t true. People with autism are still people and can feel emotions, sometimes even more than others, experts say. However, they may express it in ways that are harder to recognize.

That’s why one needs to pay close attention to their unique ways of communicating. Look for non-verbal cues, such as changes in body language or repetitive behaviors.

Here are some examples of how they can express emotions:

• Their facial expressions may not align with their actual feelings

• Use very literal language or have delayed responses when expressing their emotions

• Overreaction or underreaction to sensory stimuli (covering ears when anxious)

Some Love Touch, Some Don't:

People on the spectrum may be over-sensitive or under-sensitive to specific sights, sounds, smells, or textures. The same goes for physical contact and while this can be a positive thing, it can also cause distress or discomfort.

That’s why it’s important to know how to navigate these challenges, so here are some tips:

• Be respectful and communicate openly about boundaries

• Always approach them from the front

• Warn the person if you are about to touch them

• Keep in mind that a hug may be painful rather than comforting

They Cannot Be Diplomatic:

Individuals with autism may have difficulties understanding unwritten social rules or expressing themselves in a way that is perceived as socially appropriate. This can result in them being very blunt and honest without considering others’ feelings.

Here are some situations that can happen and advice on how to handle them:

1. If they are being overly blunt, gently explain to them that there are other ways they can say something to someone

2. If they misunderstand social cues and react inappropriately, what you can do is try to teach them not to make the same mistake, or encourage them to ask someone what would be the appropriate response

Your Actions May Not Be Understandable:

Autistic individuals often experience challenges in interpreting social cues, which can lead to misunderstandings in social interactions. For example, they might take a sarcastic remark literally or miss the subtle indications of discomfort in someone else's body language.

Common misunderstandings that can occur:

• touching someone without realizing it might be uncomfortable

• wrongly interpreting someone’s facial expression

• not noticing when someone wants to end a conversation

They Do Not Mind Your Questions:

While you may think it’s insensitive to ask questions, you shouldn’t refrain from doing so. People on the spectrum won’t mind them. In fact, they’ll value you trying to be open and communicate with them.

You can ask these questions to understand their perspective better:

• “Is it hard for you to make eye contact?”

• “How do you think we can address this issue together?”

• “What does sensory overload feel like?”

Large Crowds Might Make Them Uncomfortable:

Many individuals with autism find large crowds and noisy environments overwhelming due to their sensory sensitivities. This can lead to anxiety and discomfort. That’s why you should opt for quieter, more intimate dates like:

• Picnic

• Vineyard Tour

• Stargazing

They May Not Understand Sarcasm:

Because people on the spectrum tend to take words at face value, it can be troubling for them to understand sarcasm. To avoid confusion, it's best to be straightforward and communicate in literal terms.

• Avoid open-ended questions

• Avoid using irony, figurative language, idioms, etc.

• Use less non-verbal communication

Eye Contact May Be Difficult at Times:

Some common reasons why people with autism find it hard to maintain eye contact are due to sensory sensitivity, such as sensory overload, and social anxiety. They might struggle to focus on the person they are talking to because they find it too much or they might find eye contact difficult in social situations.

Here are some tips for understanding and respecting personal comfort levels:

• Recognize sensory overload

• Use subtle visual cues

• Create a comfortable environment

Pros & Cons of Dating an Autistic Person

Dating an autistic person comes with its own set of advantages and challenges. Understanding these pros and cons helps you navigate the relationship better and foster a stronger bond.

Pros:

Honesty:

Autistic individuals often value honesty and open communication in relationships. They are usually straightforward and transparent, making their intentions and feelings clear.

Reliability:

Many people with autism have routines that they faithfully follow. This often translates into them being dependable and consistent in relationships.

Loyalty:

Once one establishes trust with an autistic person, they find out how loyal and devoted partners they are, offering a stable and lasting bond.

Cons:

Lack of Physical Cues:

One of the challenges in dating an autistic person can be their difficulty in interpreting and expressing nonverbal communication. They may not be able to understand simple cues which can lead to misunderstanding.

Nonverbal Communication:

Here are some things you can do to improve understanding and communication:

• Talk slowly and be clear and direct

• Ask questions and give answers when asked something

• Be patient

• Consider social skills training or couples counseling

Tips for Dating Someone with Autism

An important part of dating someone with autism is understanding that you may have to change the way you interact. But, as long as you are willing to adapt, this change will happen quickly and without any issues. Here are some guidelines that will help you and your partner in building a loving relationship.

Learn about Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD):

If you aren’t familiar with ASD or have no experience in being in a relationship with a person who is on the spectrum, consider learning about it. This will help tremendously in understanding your partner and having good communication with them.

Here are some websites you can visit to learn more about ASD:

• National Autistic Society

• U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

• Autism speaks

Be Honest with Them:

Honesty is crucial in a

. They can take things very literally which is why you need to be clear and direct in your communication to build trust and avoid misunderstandings.

Try to Avoid Sarcasm:

Use literal and straightforward language to ensure that your partner is able to understand you. Avoid sarcasm, as it can be misinterpreted.

Respect Their Routine:

Many people with autism rely on routines for comfort and stability. Adapt to and respect their routines to accommodate their need for predictability.

Examples of how to do that:

• Plan dates in advance

• Consistent communication

• Choose familiar and comfortable locations for dates

• Follow their lead

• Communicate openly and clearly

• Be patient with changes

Choose Date Spots Wisely:

• Select environments that are comfortable for your partner.

• Avoid places with a big crowd, loud noises, bright lights, strong smells, and tactile sensations.

• Pick places with an easy-to-navigate layout and accessible facilities.

Be Cautious of Sensory Sensitivities:

As we previously mentioned, you need to be mindful of your partner’s sensory preferences and sensitivities. Create a comfortable environment and avoid triggers when possible.

Here’s how you can accommodate them during your dates:

• Choose quiet locations

• Consider seating options

• Plan for breaks

• Wear familiar clothing

• Be flexible

Learn and Use Communication Strategies:

1. Avoid ambiguous language, idioms, or sarcasm, and be straightforward instead.

2. Allow your partner extra time to process information and respond.

3. Provide context during the conversations, especially if changing topics.

4. When possible use visual aids like notes or pictures.

5. Respect their communication boundaries

Find Professional Support:

Consider seeking professional advice or counseling to address relationship challenges. Professionals such as therapists, counselors, or autism specialists can offer valuable insights and strategies to help your relationship.

Types of professional support that can offer help:

• Individual therapy

• Couple counseling

• Autism specialists

• Support groups

• Occupational therapy

Key Takeaways

• Dating someone with ASD can be quite challenging if you’re not ready to work with your partner.

• Making these relationships requires being patient, honest, and open-minded, as well as being respectful of your partner’s boundaries.

• To deal with challenges that occur most important thing is to have open and clear communication. Don’t be afraid to ask questions!

• Be cautious of sensory sensitivities, avoid non-literal language, and respect other person’s routine

• If needed, contact professional support, whether online or offline

Frequently Asked Questions

Do Autistic People Struggle with Intimacy?

Autistic individuals may experience challenges with social interactions, including intimacy. Of course, this doesn’t mean that they aren’t interested in intimacy or sex like anybody else. It’s because of how uniquely they handle physical sensations, relationship issues, and communication that they may feel sensitive and even embarrassed about sex-related topics.

That’s why having open and honest communication is important in the relationship with them.

Is It Ethical to Date Someone with Autism?

Yes, dating someone with autism is ethical as long as both parties consent and respect each other's boundaries and needs. Open, honest communication and a commitment to addressing any hardships together can help maintain an ethical and healthy relationship.

Can People with “High-Functioning Autism” Have Romantic Relationships?

Yes, people with “high-functioning autism” (HFA) can absolutely have romantic relationships. With support and understanding, they can build fulfilling partnerships like anyone else. If you have ASD as well, there aredating sites that specialize in connecting people with autism both romantically and friendship-wise.

Sources:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

.

6.

7.